viewpoint – By Reshma Krishnamurthy Sharma – Published in the Deccan Herald
It is ironical that when we talk of staying united in a country that has diverse cultures, languages; in our own homes we tend to discourage guests.
Remember one of the shlokas taught when we were young, “Athithi devo bhava”, (Guests are compared to gods!); more often said when someone is invited home. Funny but true, today the meaning of this shloka, at least in cities, seems to have very little meaning — as most urban households find having a guest at home equivalent to a nightmarish experience.
Today no one wants to forgo his or her privacy, as it amounts to compromise on the comfort zone. If one cites one of the primary reasons for this situation as the nuclear family set-up, it would not be completely wrong.
Nuclear families may have taken pride in ensuring luxuries for themselves and their little ones by providing ample amount of privacy in terms of independent rooms, bathrooms, separate dining, music room or study room. But if we do not imbibe the quality of adjusting with others or realising that being with others does not always necessarily limit our fun or convenience quotient, it would somewhere strengthen the bond of relationships.
A recent incident made me think if we are becoming intolerant by the day, as I overheard a well-dressed lady complaining to her friend in a library that Bangalore is a tough place to live in. Why?
Guests are always home at her place since she has moved to Bangalore. Generally, I am not the kind of person who would like to eavesdrop, but the conversation was literally diverting my attention of scrolling for the book to ask her if life was so miserable because of guests.
The lady went on, “Even if I have two maids at home it is difficult to give personalised attention to guests as it takes a toll on me and my time.” Sad but true, looks like urban households have a new problem — guests at home.
Isn’t it ironical that at times when we talk of staying united in a country that has diverse cultures, languages; in our own homes we find ourselves as if handling a big deal to adjust with guests at home, more often our own relatives or a friend who thought staying at home would be more appropriate than staying in a lodge?
Gone are the days when a lot of children would wait for their annual vacations to meet up with their cousins, spend time together. Today, it is not uncommon to find kids getting restless especially when they find a guest holding their television remote control where they have to skip their favourite programme or they find the guest is sitting on his or her favourite chair.
One needs to give a thought on bringing forth the value of adjusting with others as one of the basic values at home, as it will save adults from embarrassment when kids throw a tantrum on not sharing something with a guest.
This is, of course, not possible for children to learn if adults do not display the attitude of genuinely welcoming guests at home.
Perhaps this is one of those aspects where joint families scored better than nuclear families, as adjustment was not a sacrifice, but a part of life.
Privacy, of course, is needed and is greatly appreciated, yet when there are opportunities to share what you have achieved — whether it is your home or your heart do not miss the chance.