A recent trend that is on the rise with urban Indian women is them saying goodbye to traditional accessories that immediately indicate a woman’s marital status. Post the wedding day or a few days later, many women find it cumbersome or not in vogue to wear accessories like bangles, toe rings, mangalsutra, sindhoor or a nose ring. Earlier, it was taboo to withdraw these, as they were associated with the well-being of the husband. Today, there are quite a few women who feel these are outdated concepts and these accessories don’t get along with their regular dressing sense or that they need not make a statement to the world about their marital status.

Geeta K M, a landscape designer, married for over 21 years says, “as a matter of fact on a daily basis, I do not wear all these accessories like toe rings or even my mangalsutra. It is not that I find them not in vogue as much as I do feel that there is absolutely no need for me to project all the time that I am married.”

It could be that the urban woman is also seeing other corporate women across the world who maintain a look devoid of traditional accessories. Also a point stressed by fashion experts to ‘dress in which you are comfortable most’, a statement that many women agree upon.

Anupama A, a senior manager, in an IT firm says, ” for me, the primary reason is that accessories like bangles interfere in my job when I am working on the computer for a long time. Similar is the case with toe rings which hurt when I wear certain shoes. Secondly, I do feel these accessories don’t go with the kind of outfits I wear, whether it is western outfits or even salwar kameez.”

It is not only working women who prefer to get away from these accessories. Homemaker Ambika Avinash who is married for over nine years wonders, ” Isn’t it an individual choice? On a regular basis, I don’t wear them. Though for traditional functions I like to dress with lots of bangles and other accessories that can match the mood.” This is a thought seconded by others too who feel that earlier, Indian women would wear them as they were made compulsory by elders. Today with lesser restrictions placed on these matters, many are opting to wear them or not out of their choice. Also quite a few women feel accessories like dozens of bangles or detachable nose rings can be worn for specific occasions.

While a lot of married women feel traditional accessories like toe rings and bangles do not come in their list of fashion fundas, there are also women who feel strongly on the point that it is these very accessories that make an Indian woman look good. Take for example Kalavathi Murlikrishna, a lady married for over thirteen years. ” Having been a Bharatanatyam dancer at one point of time, I feel it is accessories like these that make a woman look more beautiful especially when worn with garments like the saree.”

Indian roots
In the case of Philomina Natarajan, wearing traditional accessories is being close to Indian roots and culture.” Anytime you can catch me with my sindhoor, toe rings and mangalsutra. When I wear western outfits too, I make it a point to have these accessories on as they are very much part of me, though I don’t sport a big bindi on my forehead on certain outfits. And I definitely feel no matter how you dress, wearing these accessories make you look Indian.”

Women find it is fashionable to wear designer bangles that match their sarees rather then plain-looking glass bangles. Even the traditional bindis have given way to unusual and trendy designs that match with the times.

As the rising fashion barometer indicates, it looks though that irrespective of being a working professional or a homemaker, wearing accessories like toe rings, nose ring or even a mangalsutra is completely an individual’s choice.

Instead of complaining that the weather is rainy, hot or cloudy, why don’t we think of the people, who are in jobs that make them work regardless of the weather.

Look at the sunny weather. It’s so beautiful. Why not take off from work and spend the day outdoors, this is not a typical Englishman’s comment on the occasional sunny weather in London.

This wish may erupt within us; though it’s very unlikely that we would take off from work in Bangalore due to pleasant weather. Yes, weather seems to have an effect on all of us, no matter where we live.

It is the general perception that sunny or pleasant weather makes us feel more willing to go to work rather than a gloomy day. Moods or behaviour or for that matter, the way we feel at work depends on the weather.

Studies have shown that like colours, weather too has an effect on how we feel early in the morning. Often, at the start of the day, rain makes us feel less energetic while bright weather gives us no reason to feel gloomy.

If you are already feeling warm reading this, think again. Perhaps, such feelings get more predominant when a person doesn’t have to think of making both ends meet as the first thing in the morning.

A milkman or the young newspaper vendor, who no matter what, has to follow a strict schedule to maintain his day’s work. He may crib internally, on the weather, but that will really not affect the way he would go about with his work.

Newspapers have to be collected and distributed on time. He does not have the lenience that, probably, a regular office-goer would get. He cannot stretch his sleep time by a couple of minutes.

It is not the same for those working for organisations that maintain time in the strictest sense for work.

A radio jockey — for example — has to sound chirpy, cheerful, and energetic even if he or she has to come to the station at sunrise, amidst biting cold. So does a call-centre executive, who has to shake himself up through any means whatsoever, on the scheduled time as the cab driver would not wait for him.

With schedules sticking to the timelines of other countries, executives in BPOs do not have the choice at their dispositions to even analyse or comment on the weather. Their voice has to sound attentive, concerned and should have an attitude of a problem-solver right from the first call they receive.

Instead of complaining that the weather is rainy, hot or cloudy, why don’t we think of the people, who are in jobs that make them work regardless of the weather. Would a small grocery store owner in the neighbourhood worry about how weather would affect his mood? On a cloudy day he may be more concerned whether he would have enough customers, rather than making himself comfortable by relishing a cup of hot coffee.

These days we put the blame of being late on a shade of bad weather. “Oh! It rained so heavily this morning. The city was choked with more traffic, making me late.” If it doesn’t rain we complain, if it rains we complain. All this is in a city that has one of the finest weather conditions in the country!

Feeling lazy once in a while on a rainy day is perhaps acceptable. One finds such excuses to push aside one’s daily chores like not getting up to go for morning walks. One goes to the office in a foul mood and blames it on the rainy weather.

We may like to believe that weather affects our moods but let it not be such that our regular chores get affected due to slight weather changes. After all, we are not living in that part of the globe where we face extreme climatic conditions. Thank the Weather God for that!

We are rude with her; we fight every now and then. And then, we run to them the minute we sense trouble. All of us are ultimately, mommy’s pets.

 When you are a little girl you want to secretly emulate whatever she’s doing — whether it is putting on her lipstick, trying on her shoes or playing ‘kitchen’ with your toy set of utensils. When you are a teenager, you want to be as far away from her as possible. You think she is rude, interfering and has no business poking her nose in your life. When you get married, you remember all those times when you were probably rude to her and vow to have a better relationship. 

 Mothers and daughters. There’s simply no explaining this relationship. The only thing that can be said is that it is more complicated than the mother-son relationship. And that’s saying a lot.

This bond that’s already stronger is tested most when the daughter gets married. It is the time when perspectives change and relationships take a turn, sometimes for worse, sometime for better.

 Says Prathima Bhatt, a 26-year-old homemaker, ” After my wedding I could relate to so many aspects of my life with my mom than my dad. When I was young, dad was this super-hero who could solve anything easily. But as you grow up, you realise both parents are vulnerable and after my wedding, I felt it was my mom who could empathise with me on most situations of my married life.”

 For someone like 45-year-old Kasturi Shah who lives alone and is a professor in a medical college, “Mothers are someone in front of whom you can show your true colours without any inhibitions. She’s a mirror really…you seldom bother how she would react if you are rude, or moody, or temperamental.  You have the assurance that even if she sees you for what you are (whatever you are), she will care for you unlike others.”

Most women in their 20s and 30s say mothers have that edge when it comes to listening to daughters’ basic yet vital concerns. It could be domestic issues, getting work done from the tailor, cribbing about the maid; no matter how petty your crib is, it is only mothers who will hear you out.

 According to Nandini Hiranniah, a working professional in her late twenties, “It is the girl-girl connection. My mom has undergone what I am going through in my life. It could be dealing with my in-laws or domestic emergencies, I know, she’s someone I can rely on anytime.”  Some feel technological advancements like the advent of cell phones has strengthened the mother-daughter bond. For others, it is advantage of living in the same city that makes them drop by their mom’s home once or twice a week. For Saraswathi Rao, a homemaker in her early 50s ” I longed to see my mom often but the only mode of being in touch was letters. Today, however I find my relation with my daughter a lot better due to the fact that she can come over anytime at her convenience. The fact that she is married and managing a different home makes me concerned about It is not only marriage that’s the turning point for this relationship. Careers too have turned out to be a factor where women find support from mothers. Many women want their daughters to be successful professionally as well, as they want daughters to achieve all that they could not in their lives.

 From the daughter’s point of view, the best thing about mothers is that they are wonderful ‘sounding boards’! A friend can be busy in her own life, dads may find some matters too trivial to talk about but moms will take that extra effort to make you feel comfortable and hear you out.

 Explains Dr Yeshashwini Kamaraju, a psychologist in NIMHANS, “It is natural for mothers to be closer to their children as the bond begins right from the womb. Women find it is their mothers rather than fathers who support them the most in matters like choosing a partner or changing a career. “

 Women may have improved their lifestyle, climbed the corporate ladder, become moms of grown-ups but in their heart of hearts, they will always be mommy’s little girl.

Having a baby is a joy best known to couples who experience it. Many take this decision either out of societal pressure or out of personal choice. Yet it is not uncommon to find couples who feel burdened with new responsibility once they have children…

Having a baby is a joy best known to couples who experience it. Many take this decision either out of societal pressure or out of personal choice. Yet it is not uncommon to find couples who feel burdened with new responsibility once they have children. The freedom in terms of going out on movie dates and dinners seem a thing of the past. If you are familiar with this situation, then you’ll be relieved to know that you are not alone. There are hundreds of others who find marital bliss good but also find the entrant of the third member in the family a joy along with huge responsibilities, sometimes to the extent of being an intrusion into their privacy. Are today’s couples adequately prepared to face this situation?

Says child and adolescent psychologist, Yeshashwini Kamaraju – “Whether it is the working woman or the homemaker, both come across stressful situations and it is very natural for couples, especially mothers, to feel a bit overwhelmed with the situation around and the new responsibility of handling a baby. Adequately, they need to have a good support system, either in the form of in-laws, parents or help at home. Couples need to understand what their priorities are and work accordingly. It may not be possible to do everything to the best but one needs to accept this fact and move on with their lives. Mothers need to create time for themselves by going for a walk, spending some time alone, leaving the baby with the father when he’s back from office or with any other family member. With this, parents can feel that the arrival of the baby is not an additional baggage in their lives.”

Putting forth her view says a young mother Renu Sharma, “It’s a kind of mixed feeling. Sometimes I do feel I am losing on the moments – whether it’s being alone with my hubby or the things that I wanted to do in life. But, at the same time, I do realise these years of my son Ashish are to be cherished. I know they are not going to come back, so I might as well enjoy them.”

Child experts suggest that accepting responsibilities and sometimes delegating responsibilities like leaving the child with a family member or help is the best way to handle the situation rather than putting themselves or the baby under the blame umbrella. Parents who have already been through the experience say the best way to go about it is through planned pregnancy and accepting parental responsibilities completely to enjoy parenthood.

Jyothi Chaturvedi, who became a mom of twins soon after her wedlock says, “Of course, initially there was no time either for me or for my hubby Ajay. I remember those early years when I would brood as to why I went in for kids immediately after marriage. But, down the line, I realised my boys were growing with me. It now feels like it was a blessing in disguise. Now, as my kids are at a manageable age, we as a couple make it a point to spend time on our own. We even go on outings alone, leaving the kids with my co-sister.”
Sharing her experience, Dr Farah Ali, a dentist and a mom says, “Having Zuha around is like adjusting our clock to her time schedule. With both of us working, we sometimes find it highly tiring to play with her at eleven in the night when all that we want is to just doze off. Even when we have to go out for lunches, we have to think hard whether to take her or leave her with my parents or in-laws.”

Over the years, couples find children to be a huge part of their lives, yet cannot help experiencing moments of frustration, guilt and acceptance when they find children to be a huge responsibility and an intrusion into their privacy. Experts say it is absolutely normal to feel this way and that couples need to make time for themselves and the baby.  Finally, as Farah adds, “It’s still fun having a baby.”