Ever wondered if a new learning in your life could help you de-stress, make new friends and find a way to carve out some precious ‘me time’?

Young women in metros seem to be asking themselves this question and finding the answer in  hobby classes and workshops that promise loads of fun while helping them acquire a new skill and connect with other like-minded women.

Voice modulation classes, story-telling sessions and fitness workshops that incorporate dance, aerobics and zumba are becoming increasingly popular with women, be they busy working professionals or equally busy homemakers.

Kanchana Kathiresan, a social worker who recently wanted to enhance her skills at story telling, says: “Women are usually good at expressing themselves. Given the right training and the right opportunity, I discovered that many of us did  become adept story-tellers. We bonded very well as a group and by the end of the six-day course, we were sharing our deepest secrets with one another!”

M N Leela, property consultant and mother of a teenager, shares Kanchana’s opinion. “I found the story-telling course interesting more so because it brought out the child in me. Some participants were above fifty, yet their enthusiasm was so contagious that none of us had problems either discussing our fears or showing off our strong points whether in making puppets or telling tall tales! Obviously, the short-term course had much more to offer than just helping us acquire a new skill,” she says.

Does this mean that women, irrespective of age and income, are exploring new ways of reinventing themselves?

Jennifer Pinto, zumba co-ordinator in Bangalore, says: “A course like zumba can become a hobby class, a fitness routine or a life-changing experience.  It  generates plenty of positive energy as it combines intense dance-aerobics workouts with foot-tapping Latino music.”

Given the fact that such a form of fitness can be learnt even at home, watching DVDs there are many enthusiasts who want to join a group.

“It is definitely more fun  in a live class and in the company of other women,” adds Jennifer.

So happy are the women that odd timings of the class and the challenge of juggling their professional and domestic responsibilities are not seen as deterrents.

One reason could be that these courses act as a tonic in times of stress.

“When I am at place other than home or office and when I am doing what I love to do, I forget everything else and focus only on the task at hand. I enjoy being with other enthusiasts,” says one of the dance workshop participants who declined to be named.

Describing the classes she organises, Snigdha Kemkar, RJ and corporate trainer, says: “The only reason I think women come in as early as 6 am every day for the class is because they feel energised and happy after an hour’s dance and fitness session.”

Snigdha Patnaik, a medical transcriptionist, says: “Joining dancercise has made me look forward to more such sessions where the class turns out to be an opportunity to network, bond and have fun while being fit.”

Clearly, it doesn’t matter what age group you belong to or from what background you hail from. Innovative hobby classes are mushrooming in your neighbourhood to suit your lifestyle and your convenience, so have you signed up yet? Now, whoever said only men have all the fun?!

Catching up with friends and being in touch with old pals is not a daunting task for women, if only they make the effort.

Whatever happened to your childhood friend, your best friend in school to whom you pledged ‘never to be apart?’ Those notes on friendship on chocolate wrappers, getting the same hairstyle done; for that matter looking at the same guy in the class and sharing secrets amidst giggles — do all these seem like distant memories?

Somehow, friendship links get cut off as a woman takes on different roles in life. Is it true that women find it harder to maintain long-term friendship with childhood and college mates than men?

Says Manasi Prasad, a Carnatic vocalist, “I agree that keeping in touch with childhood friends, for that matter even with current bunch of friends, is a tough task for women. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that we women have a lot more demands and expectations to meet in life. Men have more social avenues for interaction unlike women who have to think of a simple meeting with a friend as a planned occasion.”

Besides women, being multi-taskers, find little time for themselves or for socialising. “The life of a woman in terms of her college days, career, post-marriage and motherhood is very different, as compared with that of men. Yet if you want to keep in touch, you will find a way to do it,” she says.

Whether it is catching up over a smoke at a local adda or meeting at a rasta chaiwala, sharing a cup of chai, men do not really have to bother about the place where they are catching up with pals.

Nevertheless there are women who feel catching up with friends and being in touch with old ones is not a daunting task if one makes the effort.

According to Nisha Millet, director, Nisha Millet Swimming Academy, “I have always been at the pool, rather than at school, yet maintaining friendships with my best buddies has never been a problem. Whether it is with school friends or with swimming friends, being connected has always been part of my life.

We make it a point to catch up once in a while. I also personally feel social networking sites  are a great way of being in touch with each other, whether it is sharing pictures or just being in touch to say we are there for each other.”

If time management is the keyword in staying connected, this can be utilised in being in touch with friends in the same city or anywhere else in the world. While some agree that social networking sites like Facebook have brought them close to their oldest friends, there are others who feel if you want to be in touch you will somehow make way for it regardless of the use of modern aids.

Someone like Janet Supriya, a 22 year-old-call centre executive, says: “Men have the advantage of catching up at any point of time or any place unlike women where everything has to be planned meticulously. However, I do feel we can change this idea of making it like a one-off event and catch up with friends more often if we girls put in a bit of effort.”

Remembering each other’s birthdays,  making a point to gift little things or just dropping in at a friend’s place once in a while to ask how she is doing can help women stay connected. For that matter making a phone call once in a while to ask how your friend is doing and sharing whatever is happening in life does help in getting the feeling that friends are around when required.

With SMS, Internet, e-mail and social networking sites, women most definitely have the advantage of being connected with their oldest buddies. All one requires is to primarily have the desire to be connected and take an extra effort for ‘me-time.’

Use technology to stay in touch

• Keep in touch over phone, email or meet up when your friend is in town.
• Communicate with each other as often as possible. Make that call to show you remember her once in a while.
• Send her a card or a bunch of flowers whenever there is an occasion like a birthday. It shows you care for her.
• Be a good listener when your friend calls you. Listening makes one feel you are there for her when needed.
• Use technological tools like social networking sites to be in touch.
• If meeting outside at a specific venue is a problem try and work out meetings at each other’s homes at convenient timings.

viewpoint – By Reshma Krishnamurthy Sharma – Published in the Deccan Herald

It is ironical that when we talk of staying united in a country that has diverse cultures, languages; in our own homes we tend to discourage guests.

Remember one of the shlokas taught when we were young, “Athithi devo bhava”, (Guests are compared to gods!); more often said when someone is invited home. Funny but true, today the meaning of this shloka, at least in cities, seems to have very little meaning — as most urban households find having a guest at home equivalent to a nightmarish experience.

Today no one wants to forgo his or her privacy, as it amounts to compromise on the comfort zone. If one cites one of the primary reasons for this situation as the nuclear family set-up, it would not be completely wrong.

Nuclear families may have taken pride in ensuring luxuries for themselves and their little ones by providing ample amount of privacy in terms of independent rooms, bathrooms, separate dining, music room or study room. But if we do not imbibe the quality of adjusting with others or realising that being with others does not always necessarily limit our fun or convenience quotient, it would somewhere strengthen the bond of relationships.

A recent incident made me think if we are becoming intolerant by the day, as I overheard a well-dressed lady complaining to her friend in a library that Bangalore is a tough place to live in. Why?

Guests are always home at her place since she has moved to Bangalore. Generally, I am not the kind of person who would like to eavesdrop, but the conversation was literally diverting my attention of scrolling for the book to ask her if life was so miserable because of guests.

The lady went on, “Even if I have two maids at home it is difficult to give personalised attention to guests as it takes a toll on me and my time.” Sad but true, looks like urban households have a new problem — guests at home.

Isn’t it ironical that at times when we talk of staying united in a country that has diverse cultures, languages; in our own homes we find ourselves as if handling a big deal to adjust with guests at home, more often our own relatives or a friend who thought staying at home would be more appropriate than staying in a lodge?

Gone are the days when a lot of children would wait for their annual vacations to meet up with their cousins, spend time together. Today, it is not uncommon to find kids getting restless especially when they find a guest holding their television remote control where they have to skip their favourite programme or they find the guest is sitting on his or her favourite chair.

One needs to give a thought on bringing forth the value of adjusting with others as one of the basic values at home, as it will save adults from embarrassment when kids throw a tantrum on not sharing something with a guest.

This is, of course, not possible for children to learn if adults do not display the attitude of genuinely welcoming guests at home.

Perhaps this is one of those aspects where joint families scored better than nuclear families, as adjustment was not a sacrifice, but a part of life.

Privacy, of course, is needed and is greatly appreciated, yet when there are opportunities to share what you have achieved —  whether it is your home or your heart do not miss the chance.

Reliving the past would make one feel positive and understand the value of life.
Memories are not computer-centric to be erased by the press of a button. This would have been nice, if we were to do away with lots of bad memories. To keep ourselves at bay from bad reminiscences, we distance anything that gets associated with an unpleasant incident.

Likewise to give ourselves moments of happiness we should also indulge in activities that remind us of happier things in life.

Clearing a pile of clutter gathered in a corner does not seem to be a pleasing task but amongst the litter, if you find a rusted old photograph, you will agree that most of us have felt that rush of pleasant emotion rising through our veins. An old photograph that reminds you of your college or the one that brings in a rush of childhood memories is always treasured.

Ever wondered what makes the experience more pleasant when you listen to your favourite old Hindi film number on radio or on tape. Other than the sheer melody; many of you would agree that songs more than a few years old, give the joy of reliving the past.

Likewise think about the times whenever you pass by your school or college. Unless you are in a hurry to rush to another place, very few would miss the opportunity of not slowing in front of the building and remembering the times there.

Re-living the past is something, which all of us do and we should learn to appreciate things that remind us of our past.

Catching up with childhood friends after long periods of time, starting a hobby again years later or re-starting music lessons after a couple of decades makes us feel nostalgic and elated. We all re-live our past in subtle tones, though we do not acknowledge it completely.

So in case you happened to stumble upon a funny drawing you made so lovingly of your teacher and years later you found it funny; you know the thrill and memories it brings to you.

So make sure to cough up some extra efforts in preserving your child’s first drawing or other such things that remind you of the moment. At the end of it, the more one indulges in such endeavors; it will help us feel life is worth living whether it is in the present or in the memorable past.

It is her most favoured possession. It gives her a sense of liberation, of being in control of her immediate environment. Yep, we are talking of that special relationship between urban women and two-wheelers

She is in control and holds on to her prized possession with warmth. Over the years it has become a symbol of independence and liberation to lakhs of women. Welcome to the new world of urban woman where her must haves include a lot more than shoes, cosmetics or even the fancy mobile. It is something that is crucial for her independence, security and a feeling of being in control of her environment. A two-wheeler counts on being one of her most valued possession in life, something which she is not ready to give up even if she can afford to buy a four-wheeler.

When you ask Yeshashwini Dattatreya, a young working woman on her relation with the two wheeler she uses, instant comes the reply, “I cannot step out my home without my two-wheeler. Even on the day I have given the vehicle for servicing, I land up borrowing someone else’s two-wheeler from the family and move around.”

A city like Bangalore is almost incomplete in its description if one would not mention about the increasing number of women who ride two wheelers to college or work places. It is not only these two segments who use two- wheelers.

A lot of homemakers use it as the major form of their conveyance. Take for instance, N Prathibha, a homemaker who is a great fan of her Honda. For her it is the most comfortable thing in her life as she can use it for varied purposes. She adds, ” Even if tomorrow efficient public transport like the metro rail comes, my use with the two-wheeler will not get limited. Having to even buy vegetables or groceries by walk is a constraint, however it is a time saving proposition if I use my two wheeler.”

Speaking about her association with her two-wheeler Dr Veena Maheshwari, a dentist says ” I have been using my two wheeler since the last eighteen years. If I can phrase it, ‘It is like an aeroplane on the road’. For me it is difficult to use any other mode of transport in a city like Bangalore. Though we have a car at home, I dread to think of using it as I have to hunt for parking spaces and to travel in buses means I have to move around according to the bus timings, which is not acceptable. And I do not have very pleasant experiences with autos, so it is best to stick to my two wheeler by which I do not have to depend on anyone.”

Recognising the need of women using two wheelers, manufactures are tapping this space by providing varied and easy to use and maintain features in two wheelers such as storage space, easy handling and lightweight, which are critical for a woman rider.

Needless to say, the two-wheeler segment has a lot of players amongst which prominent are the Kinetic Nova, Honda Activa and the popular Scooty series. Taking the women riders seriously, Hero Honda entered this segment last year with Hero Honda Pleasure and has even come out with ‘Just 4 her’ showrooms. The ‘fairer sex’ does not have choices limited to lipsticks, shoes or handbags. Today, women have the choice to purchase a two-wheeler that can match even their streaked hair.

Whether it is independence, convenience or comfort, all of these matter to the urban woman and no matter what authorities say about roads getting more crammed with vehicles, Bangalore needs to gear up as increasing number of women use their two-wheeler akin to their personal belonging in life. So until women are really convinced to switch to some other mode of transport, enjoy the ride and zoom…away!

A recent trend that is on the rise with urban Indian women is them saying goodbye to traditional accessories that immediately indicate a woman’s marital status. Post the wedding day or a few days later, many women find it cumbersome or not in vogue to wear accessories like bangles, toe rings, mangalsutra, sindhoor or a nose ring. Earlier, it was taboo to withdraw these, as they were associated with the well-being of the husband. Today, there are quite a few women who feel these are outdated concepts and these accessories don’t get along with their regular dressing sense or that they need not make a statement to the world about their marital status.

Geeta K M, a landscape designer, married for over 21 years says, “as a matter of fact on a daily basis, I do not wear all these accessories like toe rings or even my mangalsutra. It is not that I find them not in vogue as much as I do feel that there is absolutely no need for me to project all the time that I am married.”

It could be that the urban woman is also seeing other corporate women across the world who maintain a look devoid of traditional accessories. Also a point stressed by fashion experts to ‘dress in which you are comfortable most’, a statement that many women agree upon.

Anupama A, a senior manager, in an IT firm says, ” for me, the primary reason is that accessories like bangles interfere in my job when I am working on the computer for a long time. Similar is the case with toe rings which hurt when I wear certain shoes. Secondly, I do feel these accessories don’t go with the kind of outfits I wear, whether it is western outfits or even salwar kameez.”

It is not only working women who prefer to get away from these accessories. Homemaker Ambika Avinash who is married for over nine years wonders, ” Isn’t it an individual choice? On a regular basis, I don’t wear them. Though for traditional functions I like to dress with lots of bangles and other accessories that can match the mood.” This is a thought seconded by others too who feel that earlier, Indian women would wear them as they were made compulsory by elders. Today with lesser restrictions placed on these matters, many are opting to wear them or not out of their choice. Also quite a few women feel accessories like dozens of bangles or detachable nose rings can be worn for specific occasions.

While a lot of married women feel traditional accessories like toe rings and bangles do not come in their list of fashion fundas, there are also women who feel strongly on the point that it is these very accessories that make an Indian woman look good. Take for example Kalavathi Murlikrishna, a lady married for over thirteen years. ” Having been a Bharatanatyam dancer at one point of time, I feel it is accessories like these that make a woman look more beautiful especially when worn with garments like the saree.”

Indian roots
In the case of Philomina Natarajan, wearing traditional accessories is being close to Indian roots and culture.” Anytime you can catch me with my sindhoor, toe rings and mangalsutra. When I wear western outfits too, I make it a point to have these accessories on as they are very much part of me, though I don’t sport a big bindi on my forehead on certain outfits. And I definitely feel no matter how you dress, wearing these accessories make you look Indian.”

Women find it is fashionable to wear designer bangles that match their sarees rather then plain-looking glass bangles. Even the traditional bindis have given way to unusual and trendy designs that match with the times.

As the rising fashion barometer indicates, it looks though that irrespective of being a working professional or a homemaker, wearing accessories like toe rings, nose ring or even a mangalsutra is completely an individual’s choice.

Instead of complaining that the weather is rainy, hot or cloudy, why don’t we think of the people, who are in jobs that make them work regardless of the weather.

Look at the sunny weather. It’s so beautiful. Why not take off from work and spend the day outdoors, this is not a typical Englishman’s comment on the occasional sunny weather in London.

This wish may erupt within us; though it’s very unlikely that we would take off from work in Bangalore due to pleasant weather. Yes, weather seems to have an effect on all of us, no matter where we live.

It is the general perception that sunny or pleasant weather makes us feel more willing to go to work rather than a gloomy day. Moods or behaviour or for that matter, the way we feel at work depends on the weather.

Studies have shown that like colours, weather too has an effect on how we feel early in the morning. Often, at the start of the day, rain makes us feel less energetic while bright weather gives us no reason to feel gloomy.

If you are already feeling warm reading this, think again. Perhaps, such feelings get more predominant when a person doesn’t have to think of making both ends meet as the first thing in the morning.

A milkman or the young newspaper vendor, who no matter what, has to follow a strict schedule to maintain his day’s work. He may crib internally, on the weather, but that will really not affect the way he would go about with his work.

Newspapers have to be collected and distributed on time. He does not have the lenience that, probably, a regular office-goer would get. He cannot stretch his sleep time by a couple of minutes.

It is not the same for those working for organisations that maintain time in the strictest sense for work.

A radio jockey — for example — has to sound chirpy, cheerful, and energetic even if he or she has to come to the station at sunrise, amidst biting cold. So does a call-centre executive, who has to shake himself up through any means whatsoever, on the scheduled time as the cab driver would not wait for him.

With schedules sticking to the timelines of other countries, executives in BPOs do not have the choice at their dispositions to even analyse or comment on the weather. Their voice has to sound attentive, concerned and should have an attitude of a problem-solver right from the first call they receive.

Instead of complaining that the weather is rainy, hot or cloudy, why don’t we think of the people, who are in jobs that make them work regardless of the weather. Would a small grocery store owner in the neighbourhood worry about how weather would affect his mood? On a cloudy day he may be more concerned whether he would have enough customers, rather than making himself comfortable by relishing a cup of hot coffee.

These days we put the blame of being late on a shade of bad weather. “Oh! It rained so heavily this morning. The city was choked with more traffic, making me late.” If it doesn’t rain we complain, if it rains we complain. All this is in a city that has one of the finest weather conditions in the country!

Feeling lazy once in a while on a rainy day is perhaps acceptable. One finds such excuses to push aside one’s daily chores like not getting up to go for morning walks. One goes to the office in a foul mood and blames it on the rainy weather.

We may like to believe that weather affects our moods but let it not be such that our regular chores get affected due to slight weather changes. After all, we are not living in that part of the globe where we face extreme climatic conditions. Thank the Weather God for that!

We are rude with her; we fight every now and then. And then, we run to them the minute we sense trouble. All of us are ultimately, mommy’s pets.

 When you are a little girl you want to secretly emulate whatever she’s doing — whether it is putting on her lipstick, trying on her shoes or playing ‘kitchen’ with your toy set of utensils. When you are a teenager, you want to be as far away from her as possible. You think she is rude, interfering and has no business poking her nose in your life. When you get married, you remember all those times when you were probably rude to her and vow to have a better relationship. 

 Mothers and daughters. There’s simply no explaining this relationship. The only thing that can be said is that it is more complicated than the mother-son relationship. And that’s saying a lot.

This bond that’s already stronger is tested most when the daughter gets married. It is the time when perspectives change and relationships take a turn, sometimes for worse, sometime for better.

 Says Prathima Bhatt, a 26-year-old homemaker, ” After my wedding I could relate to so many aspects of my life with my mom than my dad. When I was young, dad was this super-hero who could solve anything easily. But as you grow up, you realise both parents are vulnerable and after my wedding, I felt it was my mom who could empathise with me on most situations of my married life.”

 For someone like 45-year-old Kasturi Shah who lives alone and is a professor in a medical college, “Mothers are someone in front of whom you can show your true colours without any inhibitions. She’s a mirror really…you seldom bother how she would react if you are rude, or moody, or temperamental.  You have the assurance that even if she sees you for what you are (whatever you are), she will care for you unlike others.”

Most women in their 20s and 30s say mothers have that edge when it comes to listening to daughters’ basic yet vital concerns. It could be domestic issues, getting work done from the tailor, cribbing about the maid; no matter how petty your crib is, it is only mothers who will hear you out.

 According to Nandini Hiranniah, a working professional in her late twenties, “It is the girl-girl connection. My mom has undergone what I am going through in my life. It could be dealing with my in-laws or domestic emergencies, I know, she’s someone I can rely on anytime.”  Some feel technological advancements like the advent of cell phones has strengthened the mother-daughter bond. For others, it is advantage of living in the same city that makes them drop by their mom’s home once or twice a week. For Saraswathi Rao, a homemaker in her early 50s ” I longed to see my mom often but the only mode of being in touch was letters. Today, however I find my relation with my daughter a lot better due to the fact that she can come over anytime at her convenience. The fact that she is married and managing a different home makes me concerned about It is not only marriage that’s the turning point for this relationship. Careers too have turned out to be a factor where women find support from mothers. Many women want their daughters to be successful professionally as well, as they want daughters to achieve all that they could not in their lives.

 From the daughter’s point of view, the best thing about mothers is that they are wonderful ‘sounding boards’! A friend can be busy in her own life, dads may find some matters too trivial to talk about but moms will take that extra effort to make you feel comfortable and hear you out.

 Explains Dr Yeshashwini Kamaraju, a psychologist in NIMHANS, “It is natural for mothers to be closer to their children as the bond begins right from the womb. Women find it is their mothers rather than fathers who support them the most in matters like choosing a partner or changing a career. “

 Women may have improved their lifestyle, climbed the corporate ladder, become moms of grown-ups but in their heart of hearts, they will always be mommy’s little girl.

Having a baby is a joy best known to couples who experience it. Many take this decision either out of societal pressure or out of personal choice. Yet it is not uncommon to find couples who feel burdened with new responsibility once they have children…

Having a baby is a joy best known to couples who experience it. Many take this decision either out of societal pressure or out of personal choice. Yet it is not uncommon to find couples who feel burdened with new responsibility once they have children. The freedom in terms of going out on movie dates and dinners seem a thing of the past. If you are familiar with this situation, then you’ll be relieved to know that you are not alone. There are hundreds of others who find marital bliss good but also find the entrant of the third member in the family a joy along with huge responsibilities, sometimes to the extent of being an intrusion into their privacy. Are today’s couples adequately prepared to face this situation?

Says child and adolescent psychologist, Yeshashwini Kamaraju – “Whether it is the working woman or the homemaker, both come across stressful situations and it is very natural for couples, especially mothers, to feel a bit overwhelmed with the situation around and the new responsibility of handling a baby. Adequately, they need to have a good support system, either in the form of in-laws, parents or help at home. Couples need to understand what their priorities are and work accordingly. It may not be possible to do everything to the best but one needs to accept this fact and move on with their lives. Mothers need to create time for themselves by going for a walk, spending some time alone, leaving the baby with the father when he’s back from office or with any other family member. With this, parents can feel that the arrival of the baby is not an additional baggage in their lives.”

Putting forth her view says a young mother Renu Sharma, “It’s a kind of mixed feeling. Sometimes I do feel I am losing on the moments – whether it’s being alone with my hubby or the things that I wanted to do in life. But, at the same time, I do realise these years of my son Ashish are to be cherished. I know they are not going to come back, so I might as well enjoy them.”

Child experts suggest that accepting responsibilities and sometimes delegating responsibilities like leaving the child with a family member or help is the best way to handle the situation rather than putting themselves or the baby under the blame umbrella. Parents who have already been through the experience say the best way to go about it is through planned pregnancy and accepting parental responsibilities completely to enjoy parenthood.

Jyothi Chaturvedi, who became a mom of twins soon after her wedlock says, “Of course, initially there was no time either for me or for my hubby Ajay. I remember those early years when I would brood as to why I went in for kids immediately after marriage. But, down the line, I realised my boys were growing with me. It now feels like it was a blessing in disguise. Now, as my kids are at a manageable age, we as a couple make it a point to spend time on our own. We even go on outings alone, leaving the kids with my co-sister.”
Sharing her experience, Dr Farah Ali, a dentist and a mom says, “Having Zuha around is like adjusting our clock to her time schedule. With both of us working, we sometimes find it highly tiring to play with her at eleven in the night when all that we want is to just doze off. Even when we have to go out for lunches, we have to think hard whether to take her or leave her with my parents or in-laws.”

Over the years, couples find children to be a huge part of their lives, yet cannot help experiencing moments of frustration, guilt and acceptance when they find children to be a huge responsibility and an intrusion into their privacy. Experts say it is absolutely normal to feel this way and that couples need to make time for themselves and the baby.  Finally, as Farah adds, “It’s still fun having a baby.”