An interaction with a complete stranger at the park made me re-think on my answers regarding an ever bothering question since the last few years. I had to connect, rather interact forcefully with the lady who was older to me and happened to be my child’s play home mate’s grandmother. And the kids bumped into each other at the park and while they had fun we adults had a brief conversation. It was a pleasant conversation but for the question that made me little uncomfortable. Nothing new.. but was not sure if I should ignore or answer her firmly or smile casually without really giving an answer.
With what began an simple questions from her end like –where do you stay? do you work outside home too or no?, it soon lead to the question of ‘is he your only child?’. When the response came as a yes, I was expecting the answer that I heard a zillion times in the past. “You should go in for another one or else he will be a lonely child.”
Taking a defensive stance as usual to this particular and often asked question, I responded saying I am not in the age where I can go for another child. Slowly it got me thinking that I had responded to a few relatives saying in addition that I am not in the liberty of complete economic freedom too where I can go for a second child. I didn’t say this to the lady but my response seemed silly for me and I felt I was lying somewhere to myself too.
Later when I was home, playing a puzzle with my kid, I realized that I had been answering the question wrong all along.
I have not gone for another child as I feel my kid –the only kid is the one who completes me. I am not having any further maternal instinct to have another baby. It has never been the case, so I should stop blaming it on unnecessary reasons and let others too know about it. Also I can admit that having the only child has helped me focus on myself back again, my part-time career again and enjoy my time with the child. As far as loneliness quotient goes, it is according to me not really dependent on having more siblings and giving a joint home environment but engaging the child in a happy and meaningful way- after all, that’s the best I can hope (for the present) -my child becomes a happy and independent adult.
So it is perhaps better if I start responding to inquisitive people that I am fine with one child and ignore or get immune to further comments.
Indeed it is so. And it is no one else’s business to be inquisitive about whether one gets married or not, is a heterosexual or not, has kids or not, want to have kids or not , when do they want to have their child and of course want to go in for a second child or not.
At least hopefully strangers (cannot really avoid relatives and friends in the society I live in) do not ask this question to women persistently.
As I finish putting up this blog, found two interesting links on the same topic.
Thanks for reading this post and if you have any comments please do share if it is regarding this topic.